My attempt at a Sonnet

For my first year English class I am taking this term, I was given an assigment to write a sonnet. I thought it was relevant to this class as well, so I thought I'd post it and see if I could get some feedback. It would be interesting to see what the response of my classmates is before I get my final grading of the assignment! So here it is...

Saffron Savage

Saffron Savage, thou belguilest my heart:
Consumed by thrill, aroused by great desire.
While sweaty seats hold actors in the part,
The actors chant like witches ‘round a fire.
But who suspects behind the beats and lights?
Invincible is yet a word turned sour.In the urban streets, in the urban nights,
‘Responsible’ is irony, not power.
The wheels go ‘round and ‘round without a sound-
Like a backdrop to actors unknowing,
Until devastation's scream is soon found,
And suffocation is like a sea: flowing.
Utility and window must transcend,
Service and hope has taken my dear friend.

This is my attempt at writing my own Shakespearean Sonnet. I think this is the most difficult academic task that I have even taken on, but I also believe it has been the most worthwhile as well. It alludes to an incident that occured this summer that has had a large impact on my life. The 'saffron savage' is a metaphor for a school bus that my friends and I rented for trip downtown this summer for the opening night of my friend's club. We rented it for fairly obvious reasons- for convience, but also, we thought we were being very responsible so that no one drove home impaired. We had a great evening... we were chanting and singing the whole way down and making fools of ourselves, as young people do. I refer to this in my poem as "the actors chant like witches 'round a fire". Anyways, after a great night in the club, we began to board the bus home. At that same time, kids were banging on the side of the bus, convincing the bus driver to pull away from the curb. Unfortunately, to say the absolute least, my friend Jose had his head outside of the window at the time, and suffered fatal head trauma when his head hit a utility pole as the bus pulled away. I tried to capture all the emotions as best possible in this sonnet, but I feel as though I could write for the rest of my life and never fully express the emotions I felt, or am feeling now, regarding the accident. The fact that it was a 'utility' pole, and a 'window' that caused the impact, I tried to make a play on words, considering the first impression these words make on me is 'service' (utility) and 'opportunity' (window), which is irony in it's fullest in my opinion. I think I sum up my reoccuring thought best when I stated "Responsible is irony, not power".

R.I.P Jose Ortiz
June 26, 2004