My attempt at a Sonnet

For my first year English class I am taking this term, I was given an assigment to write a sonnet. I thought it was relevant to this class as well, so I thought I'd post it and see if I could get some feedback. It would be interesting to see what the response of my classmates is before I get my final grading of the assignment! So here it is...

Saffron Savage

Saffron Savage, thou belguilest my heart:
Consumed by thrill, aroused by great desire.
While sweaty seats hold actors in the part,
The actors chant like witches ‘round a fire.
But who suspects behind the beats and lights?
Invincible is yet a word turned sour.In the urban streets, in the urban nights,
‘Responsible’ is irony, not power.
The wheels go ‘round and ‘round without a sound-
Like a backdrop to actors unknowing,
Until devastation's scream is soon found,
And suffocation is like a sea: flowing.
Utility and window must transcend,
Service and hope has taken my dear friend.

This is my attempt at writing my own Shakespearean Sonnet. I think this is the most difficult academic task that I have even taken on, but I also believe it has been the most worthwhile as well. It alludes to an incident that occured this summer that has had a large impact on my life. The 'saffron savage' is a metaphor for a school bus that my friends and I rented for trip downtown this summer for the opening night of my friend's club. We rented it for fairly obvious reasons- for convience, but also, we thought we were being very responsible so that no one drove home impaired. We had a great evening... we were chanting and singing the whole way down and making fools of ourselves, as young people do. I refer to this in my poem as "the actors chant like witches 'round a fire". Anyways, after a great night in the club, we began to board the bus home. At that same time, kids were banging on the side of the bus, convincing the bus driver to pull away from the curb. Unfortunately, to say the absolute least, my friend Jose had his head outside of the window at the time, and suffered fatal head trauma when his head hit a utility pole as the bus pulled away. I tried to capture all the emotions as best possible in this sonnet, but I feel as though I could write for the rest of my life and never fully express the emotions I felt, or am feeling now, regarding the accident. The fact that it was a 'utility' pole, and a 'window' that caused the impact, I tried to make a play on words, considering the first impression these words make on me is 'service' (utility) and 'opportunity' (window), which is irony in it's fullest in my opinion. I think I sum up my reoccuring thought best when I stated "Responsible is irony, not power".

R.I.P Jose Ortiz
June 26, 2004

Wow- don't read this if you're sad....

One thing this course has really done for me is to allow me to self-reflect on my writing previous to this course. I have really gone through up and down periods in my writing, times when I haven't written at all, and others where my pen barely leaves the page. I came across this piece of writing that's dated February 26, 2001, and although I found it very dark and disturbing, it really hit me hard. It's fairly obvious, (or at least I think it is) that I was going through a very difficult time when I wrote this, and I'd love to get some feedback as to how this affects others.

Thanks!

(Untitled)

Death, destruction, disaster.
Youth lost, life cut short
Grief, disbelief, anger and resentment.
Failure to save- to aid
A stranger, a son, a bestfriend, a nefew?
Fallen in the dirt and gravel,
Amongst the insects and grass,
To belong underneath,
Soon and forever.
Do flowers say goodbye?
Does a strecher heal wounds?
A lifetime is broken in a second
Wonder if he feels what I feel-
if he can feel at all.
Pain brings shock,
Shock brings silence.
Death has silenced him once and for all.
Torn, twisted, tight.

Lover of the Romantics

During my previous studies, I had the privilege of encountering the Romantic poets, and have really found a preference there. Unfortunately, at this point, I am unable to describe what exactly it is that draws me to this era, but I certainly hope to pinpoint it through this course. One of my favourite poets thusfar is William Blake, and I thought that I'd share one of his poems with you so that hopefully you can gain an appreciation for the Romantics as well... either way, I'd love to hear a response on what others think of this poem!

A Poison Tree- William Blake (p 680)

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft decietful wiles.

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veild the pole;
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretchd beneath the tree.

Let Go

This poem is actually in response to one of Valerie's poems that she wrote when she was 18- I wrote this poem or almost prayer at around the same age, so I thought I would publish it to see if anyone else can make some connections. As I stated in my response to Valerie's poem, I find this relative because I believe that everyone at one time or another went through horrible times of turmoil during adolescence (wondering: is that the purpose of that age bracket or what?!?) and looking back at some of the writing I did at that time is not only interesting, but also imperative in order to self- reflect at where I am now, how far I've come, and if my mind set is similar or completely different from that stage in my life.

Let Go (excerps)

Make me let go,
Give me strength to move on,
Reach ahead, not look behind
Time comes to move on, change will come
Thank those who have added to my life,
And forget those who took something away.
Shattered toys and lost innocence leave a void,
Halt the crashing waves from engulfing me
Calm my storm
Find closure, complete memories so that I can move on
To an open mind, and open heart
Satisfy me

I must forget you....

Chaotic confusion haunts my mind
Dreaming and awake you are an apparition
Of the invincible crashing before my eyes
'Responsible' and 'Safe' become an irony too harsh to bear
And flashing lights and sirens drown what's left of fond memories
And so, I must let go.


R.I.P. Jose Ortiz
June 26th, 2004

Brutal Blogger!

So after an August that was filled with anticipation for school, followed a September full of procrastination. I absolutely cannot believe that it is October 2nd already, and I have decided that I am the most brutal blogger ever! This is my first experience with absolutely anything like this, and I think it's definately going to take some getting used to in order for me to stay afloat. I welcome any classmates to kick me when they see me if I fall behind... sometimes I need some extra coaxing! (please be gentle, I am quite fragile)....

Okay then, I think I am going to at least explain my academic experiences thusfar so hopefully some of you will get to know me better, and I you, for that matter. Well, to be completely honest with you, I passed high school about 5 years ago, and I use the term 'passed' quite loosely... by the skin of my teeth is more like it! I was quite unfocused, quite unmotivated, and decided school was definately not for me. So off into the working world I went, only to be crushed by the harsh realization that data entry for the rest of my life was definately NOT for me! So after a year and a bit of staring a a computer screen going cross-eyed (as I pretty much am right now, how ironic) I went back to school at Humber College to study "General Arts & Science". HAHAHA, I know how seriously vague that sounds, but it ended up being the best experience of my life! Here I was introduced to a new type of learning, learning that was interesting (for the most part) and that I could really sink my teeth into. Now I've always been partial to English and literature courses, however, this is when I first fell in love with poetry, and I've been hooked ever since. My first loves have been Blake and Wordsworth, but I must admit, I am still a rookie, and trying to absorb all that I can! (Hence why I am taking this course!)

Here's something to nibble on of my own if you're interested....

I’m spidered
cracked and shattered
but you can’t break me
I’m holding on tight
everything I value
has slipped through my hands
when I look at my reflection
I find it scattered
I can’t find the core
I’m slipping away
I want to fall
Just to feel the breeze
My numbness is intoxicating
Blurring my reality
Passion overtakes me
and exhausts every inch of me
The strength I thought I once had
Is no more