My offer
My Offer
My heart beats fast, my chest grows tight,
Chaotic is my mind,
Swamped of doubt and try as I might,
The truth I cannot find.
Words are melodic from your voice,
But thoughts I cannot see,
Is this fate, or is it choice?
And will your choice be me?
Sweet surrender I offer you,
My heart is fragile once more,
But your past haunts all you do,
And is reason for the pain I bore.
Look to the future, not the past,
I'll be all you'll ever need,
My love for you will forever last
Return it and we'll succeed.
Dana Mercer
November 27, 2004
posted by Dana @ 7:53 AM
3 Comments:
Dana,
I have to agree with Chris's thoughts on what the poem means. He summed it up pretty good when he said it was as if the poem was saying "I'm nervous and don't know what to do but I like you, I have doubts but lets try it and see what happens."
The title reveals that the most though because if you read the poem without the title, you get a different perspective; one that I think shows a sort of suffering of being in a relationship. Then again, I suppose now that I think about it that it could still mean just that, but the title reflects an offer of wanting to "start over".
Well written; it could apply to a number of situations and therefore I believe it can reach a wider audience because of that. Good job Dana! :)
This is a well written poem Dana. Like Chris said great rhyming scheme and flow. The part I really liked however is on your second stanza where it says "Words are melodic from your voice, But thoughts I cannot see" in a way that shows that even though you are willing to be with him as it is portrayed throughout your whole poem you also in a way say with those two lines that yes you are a sweet talker however i dont really see whether or not you mean it to be with me or whether or not you want to use me. Then you reitorate it by saing "But your past haunts all you do, And is reason for the pain I bore" stating that in the past he allready has hurt you. It is a sign of true love from your part stating that you are willing to forgive and forget if his love is true. Well written again
Vlad
Hey Dana, I have to agree with everyone else's comments on your poem. I really don't know what is left to say since everyone wrote exactly what I thought as I read the poem. It was a really really good poem, after reading it i was like, whoa, so simple but so much meaning. Like Valarie said, it can apply to a wide audience and that makes it all the better. Generally people like poems that they can relate to and apply to their own situations and your poem is a very relatable one. I'm looking forward to reading some more of your poems, it was excellent!
Post a Comment
<< Home